A Writer's Notebook, Day Nine-Hundred-And-Eighteen

A great many things have changed in my life over the past few years, some of which I had not anticipated I would ever have to face.  In some ways, I feel cut off from things that felt definitive for my identity and I am working to recover from this.  Beyond this, I have been dealing with a number of other circumstances, some of which I have mentioned here, in varying details.  The truth is that I am afraid.  I do not know what to do to make things better, indeed, all the things that I can imagine to improve things are outside my power at present, and even attempting to get help has only proved frustrating, in a way that makes my efforts feel more fruitless.  I know that much of this has to be an illusion, that I can't really be doomed in the way I feel, but knowing this does not change my experience.  I need to find a way forward.

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