A Writer's Notebook, Day Eight-Hundred-And--Sixty

I am finding it difficult to feel optimistic about getting any acceptances for my work.  It just seems unrealistic to think that things will shift for no reason.  I've had enough pieces turned away, from enough journals of differing sorts that it feels clear, right now.  I am still, of course, waiting on more work to come back, and am likely to send out more soon, as well, but these feel to be token gestures with no real significance any longer.  I know it is still possible that work will be accepted, but the possibility has existed all along without being fulfilled, and I do not know how to change it.  I would be glad to find that I am wrong, of course, but believing that is about to happen is not helpful.  At the same time, it feels suicidal to sit here and press forward in this way.  I need to break through this.  I need to be able to act in a way that will lead to real change in this situation, and I know that is a thing that does not seem to exist.  I have been in this situation for so long, and the only thing that seems to change is how bad it feels.  I've been trying so hard to change my attitude about it in some way, but that is just a panacea, is just trying to accept failure and feel okay about it.  I can't do that.  I do not know what I can do, but I need an option that allows me to move forwards in a meaningful way towards the goals I have been pursuing for so long, something that I can actually change that will produce results I can actually see.

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