A Writer's Notebook, Day Seven-Hundred-And-Seventy-Three

 I had another rather frustrating day, on many different levels.  I do not think it is worth getting into the specifics at this moment, but I do still feel rather worn.  I am glad to be writing, and I am attempting to be hopeful about my work.  I received a rejection on a packet I had been hopeful about, as it had taken a very long time to hear anything back, but it was just another form letter when it arrived.  I wish I could just let these things go, at times, but it is not always so easy.  Individual rejections are not necessarily a terrible thing, but the growing pile of uninterrupted rejection that is growing in my inbox is always present when a new one arrives.  At this point, I have sent out around 125 submissions this year.  This includes poetry packets, chapbook submissions, and some prose work as well.  I've received back a bit more than half of the submissions already.  I am attempting to hold on to the faith that my work does have value, and is of merit, and I am glad for those who have offered me support and encouragement, but at this point, receiving only that, it is very hard not to feel rather dejected.  I want to have belief that this will change, that I will see some kind of success sooner than later, but it is difficult to keep hold of that, to not feel as if it is less and less a realistic possibility.  I need to find some way to restore my belief that my work has merit, but it is not accessible.  The only paths I can even imagine are so outside my control, but I need to move forward.  I must find a way.  I cannot stay in this waiting for luck to decide to favor me for once.

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