A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Fifty-Eight

I did not feel very much like writing tonight.  The last several days have been somewhat frustrating, having nothing to do with my writing, and I am just a bit exhausted, as well as somewhat upset.  That's not really a state that lends itself to feeling creative, but I also realize that I would feel far worse about all of these things if I let them derail me from my work.  If that happened, it would give these events a feeling of power over me, and set up the idea that my doing work is related to my mood or some such.  As I said yesterday, my attitude is that I am a professional practicing a craft, and that doing so daily is important.  Equally, it is important for me to know this is my work, that I must do it even when I don't necessarily want to, just like so many others who very often feel compelled to be working when it is the last thing they want.

Now, as a result of this, I sat down and worked.  In taking that action, I took a certain amount of control, saying, even on these days, I still can do this, I still can create.  Even more, I allowed some of my experiences and feelings to be expressed in some of that work, attempting to take it away from my own personal disappointments and agitations, but to a different place, one in which I feel there is something others will find worth connecting to.  That act itself requires a level of perspective and I am not sure I have achieved it in these situations, at least not entirely, but the effort to go in that direction is itself a helpful thing.

In the end, doing the work has not made me feel entirely different, but that really isn't the point.  The fact is, the work I am doing is not about my own personal growth and development in that sense, but it is about communicating my experiences as a person, both good and bad, and I am also committed to practicing this craft each day.  Just living up to that itself makes me feel better, in some ways, because it is, as I said, evidence of my commitment, and a symbol of my attitude towards writing, and poetry in particular.  That I keep to my promise each is a way to honor those things no matter what is happening outside my work.

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