A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Thirty-One
It took me a long while to be comfortable with the idea of sharing poems here on this blog, and I am still getting accustomed to the practice, in truth. I am glad to have an outlet through which to share work, but I know that I don't have a very large audience at the moment, and most of the poems I have posted on here have very low readership numbers right now. Of course, over time, that can change, and I do hope to see that happen, but I am not under any illusions about the popularity of poetry in general. While I do admit that a part of my motivation is to get work out in a way that I hope will find an audience, I am also aware that the motivation for sharing these poems here needs to come from more than that kind of mercenary mentality.
One thing that I find quite wonderful about the process, and which came to mind tonight when I selected the poem that I decided to post, is the opportunity it provides to go back through work that I have sitting on my computer. If I am honest, I did not actually recall the poem I posted earlier until I opened it and read it through. Once I had read it, I did recognize it, but I am writing so many pieces, it is hard to have them all in my head. In this case, I was kind of surprised by the piece, in that it felt like something I would have recalled in some way.
This general process of looking back over the work to select pieces that I want to post, then, is itself an opportunity, providing me a purpose in going back through old work each day. That itself helps to keep me more aware of what I have done, of the work that is waiting for me to finish it, or of poems that I have completely forgotten but which I feel are done or nearly so. As well, it just helps me to develop a stronger sense of the work that is here. It keeps me focused on the reality of the work I have, both in terms of what is good about it and what is not.
In the end, all of this is, though, about the desire to share this work. That is about more, of course, than the work I am putting here, but also about my efforts to get work out to various journals, to get it in front of readers. I think that I am writing work that will be of value to people. Recently, a friend of mine wrote me about a collection of poems I was working on and said it had rejuvenated his desire to write poetry, to some small extent. Now, this friend is a great poet, so I doubt that my work really did much more than, perhaps, hasten his return to this work, but I also recognize that he was telling me something true about his response to the work, and I was quite honored by that. My point is, I believe the work has value, and that their are people who will read these poems and agree. That is something I have a lot of difficulty accepting, and that fear, though I often hide it, is largely why I have not shared my work before. It can feel rather selfish to put the work out, and the process is not a fun one most of the time, and my response was largely not to make that effort.
The act of putting poems here on this blog, then, is also a way to fight that sense. By placing poems on this site each day, I am training myself to get the work out there. In many ways, the rejection of not having the work read when it is freely available online is inuring me against the rejections of editors. It is, of course, a different thing, and much milder in many ways, though it is there any time I come to the blog to update it or check in. It is a constant, low grade feeling, not the more acute sensation when an agent or editor sends a rejection, but I think it is helping me see past that aspect of the submission process to some extent, or at least is making it easier for me to accept this reality.
More than this, it is me putting faith in the work itself. While I don't think that I will find an audience overnight, I believe it will happen, and I believe it is important for me to be getting my work out right now. By posting these poems, I am taking action to make that happen, and I believe that type of act has power in many ways. For one thing, I do think that consistency will lead to something. It is a matter of waiting until something happens. At least, that is the story I have been told time and again by others who have built any sort of online audience. Beyond that, however, it is me taking the leap of saying that I value this work and think others will as well, and trusting in that by putting the work into the world for free. I think doing that is helping me to shift some of my own thinking in more positive directions.
One thing that I find quite wonderful about the process, and which came to mind tonight when I selected the poem that I decided to post, is the opportunity it provides to go back through work that I have sitting on my computer. If I am honest, I did not actually recall the poem I posted earlier until I opened it and read it through. Once I had read it, I did recognize it, but I am writing so many pieces, it is hard to have them all in my head. In this case, I was kind of surprised by the piece, in that it felt like something I would have recalled in some way.
This general process of looking back over the work to select pieces that I want to post, then, is itself an opportunity, providing me a purpose in going back through old work each day. That itself helps to keep me more aware of what I have done, of the work that is waiting for me to finish it, or of poems that I have completely forgotten but which I feel are done or nearly so. As well, it just helps me to develop a stronger sense of the work that is here. It keeps me focused on the reality of the work I have, both in terms of what is good about it and what is not.
In the end, all of this is, though, about the desire to share this work. That is about more, of course, than the work I am putting here, but also about my efforts to get work out to various journals, to get it in front of readers. I think that I am writing work that will be of value to people. Recently, a friend of mine wrote me about a collection of poems I was working on and said it had rejuvenated his desire to write poetry, to some small extent. Now, this friend is a great poet, so I doubt that my work really did much more than, perhaps, hasten his return to this work, but I also recognize that he was telling me something true about his response to the work, and I was quite honored by that. My point is, I believe the work has value, and that their are people who will read these poems and agree. That is something I have a lot of difficulty accepting, and that fear, though I often hide it, is largely why I have not shared my work before. It can feel rather selfish to put the work out, and the process is not a fun one most of the time, and my response was largely not to make that effort.
The act of putting poems here on this blog, then, is also a way to fight that sense. By placing poems on this site each day, I am training myself to get the work out there. In many ways, the rejection of not having the work read when it is freely available online is inuring me against the rejections of editors. It is, of course, a different thing, and much milder in many ways, though it is there any time I come to the blog to update it or check in. It is a constant, low grade feeling, not the more acute sensation when an agent or editor sends a rejection, but I think it is helping me see past that aspect of the submission process to some extent, or at least is making it easier for me to accept this reality.
More than this, it is me putting faith in the work itself. While I don't think that I will find an audience overnight, I believe it will happen, and I believe it is important for me to be getting my work out right now. By posting these poems, I am taking action to make that happen, and I believe that type of act has power in many ways. For one thing, I do think that consistency will lead to something. It is a matter of waiting until something happens. At least, that is the story I have been told time and again by others who have built any sort of online audience. Beyond that, however, it is me taking the leap of saying that I value this work and think others will as well, and trusting in that by putting the work into the world for free. I think doing that is helping me to shift some of my own thinking in more positive directions.
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