A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Twenty-Eight

There are many poems I've written this year which I am proud of.  I think that I have quite a few that are very powerful in one or another way, and I've found myself exploring many different kinds of work over this time.  While that is true, I cannot help but feel that their are a few poems that standout for me, in terms of their success in creating an experience for their readers.  Two in particular, both narrative poems, both with certain similarities in tone, theme, and content, stand out to me.

I know the impulses that lead to those poems are still within me, and that all of the tools I used in crafting them are still mine, yet I cannot quite figure out, at this moment, another idea for a similar poem.  I feel that if I did,  I would be able to get back into that head space, maybe creating something new that takes that work further.  In many ways, it is the fact that I am finding it so difficult to get back towards work in that direction which is making me feel a bit off my game.

Now, that is an absurd thing to say, as I have pointed out before.  I am still writing a great deal of work, and I am quite proud of much of what I am producing.  Even though I am not writing this one kind of poem, I am still very engaged and productive.  Each day for probably a month I have been writing a minimum of four poems, and I am not having a great deal of difficulty keeping to that schedule, other than fighting myself to get started on occasion.

What is a real problem, though, is the attitude of seeking to create a certain kind of work.  For one thing, as I have said, it diminishes the value of the work I am doing, and that denial is something that is not particularly useful.  At the same time, I think it is also likely that I am actually hindering my ability to come up with ideas for poems like I am discussing, due to the pressure I am creating by focusing on that desire.  Ideas that might grow become pushed aside as not right, or not ready, or otherwise are not given a chance;  even worse, I may well miss good ideas, not even considering them, because I am stressing about this.  It is not productive in any way.

That is not a particularly amazing revelation, but it is an important thing for me to drum into my own head, and often, at least for me, the best way to get those ideas really sunk in is by writing about them, explaining them here.  It is a way to express these things that I find often helps me to get a clearer sense of what is happening, and also often seems to propel the acceptance of these ideas.  I think that is probably not all that uncommon, really.  Writing is often a direct path for the mind, not only for it to communicate, but also for it to hear and even listen.

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