A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Fifty-Five
I've had a productive day, with four new pieces, and I feel quite good about several of them. One, I think, I may even have a plan for, it is is actually good. I am feeling creatively energized right now in a very positive way, and that is really a boon, as other things in my life are quite stressful. The house hunt I mentioned is feeling quite fraught, in some ways, as it began with certain misapprehensions that led to certain expectations. I am attempting, at the moment, to consider what is possible to do in terms of our actual budget. The point, however, is not to discuss that, but to recognize, and celebrate, the rejuvenating aspect of creating. The act of writing this evening has certainly done a great deal to make me feel quite positive about certain things.
I am recognizing, as well, that I need to be able to access some of that energy in other ways, in order to help gain control over my own responses to certain experiences. In moments of stress, I need to find ways of accessing my creative energy, and using it to help me gain control, once more, by finding the right outlet for that energy in a way that can bring me to a more balanced place in my own mind.
This is part of the nature of poetry as a practice, I think. It isn't only the act of creating the poem that is the practice, but of allowing the work to also become an influence in the other direction as well. What I write needs to be of value to me, as a thing that is surprising, at times. For example, I had a poem that I wrote tonight which I began as just something kind of silly, based on a simple joke. Now, it is that, still, but it is also commenting on other things in a way. In some ways, I worry, at this moment, because I think, now that I recognize that aspect of the poem, I will need to maybe push it a bit in order to make it clearer about my perspective. Right now, because it is sort of strange and surreal, it might be easy to misread it out of context. I don't want to do that, I want to push it towards a direction where the ambiguity exists in other places of the poem, but not in terms of my own personal thoughts. Of course, I may be wrong and it might already show through, but I have to look at it again and consider the question.
But, I could not be considering that question at all, were I not to have written a piece that I did not entirely understand until it was done. As well, it is teaching me about myself, because I am discussing things I have opinions about in the real world, even if through strange and slightly silly metaphors. The poem had more to say than I did, and now I am gaining a stronger sense of it through the act of having written it.
In addition, as I mentioned, this is part of a larger process of self growth and understanding. In finding ideas for my work, I am becoming connected to parts of my imagination and to ways of thinking that are outside of the normal everyday way of functioning. This way of seeing the world is not only something that is a part of the work, but a part of the self, and so the practice, in this sense, has a larger impact on life. Writing in general does not, I don't believe, have this same quality. That is not to suggest that writers of all sorts don't grow and learn through the act of writing, but is instead about recognizing that poetry has a unique need for seeing the world in certain ways. I do think some writers may discover this outside of poetry, but it is not as essential. I say this as someone who has written fiction and sees the distinction in terms of how I consider those forms of work.
Writing fiction, I think, is a more professional endeavor, in a way. I can see the idea of "going pro" as a relevant way of describing becoming a writer of prose who works each day in the same way that I am working now as a poet, but I cannot apply that same idea to poetry, despite my doing it each day. This is partly a result of the market, where poetry is not valued, and also a result of the need for poetry to come from a different realm of thought. The idea of going "pro" in that sense is about a certain kind of consideration, and not really about the work itself. This, of course, might be purely personal, and many other poets might feel differently, and I don't want to dismiss that. I am saying, though, for me, that writing poetry, even as someone who considers myself a professional poet in a very real sense, is an act that I have to see as outside of that mind frame. Having a sense of it as a practice, for me, is a way of preserving that, and of encouraging me to be more productive. I think that inspiration is, for me, often scared by the pressure of concerns for deadlines and such. By thinking of it as a practice, the focus remains on doing, and the goal is about creating as an act, not for the product. Ironically, of course, what results is usually far superior.
I am recognizing, as well, that I need to be able to access some of that energy in other ways, in order to help gain control over my own responses to certain experiences. In moments of stress, I need to find ways of accessing my creative energy, and using it to help me gain control, once more, by finding the right outlet for that energy in a way that can bring me to a more balanced place in my own mind.
This is part of the nature of poetry as a practice, I think. It isn't only the act of creating the poem that is the practice, but of allowing the work to also become an influence in the other direction as well. What I write needs to be of value to me, as a thing that is surprising, at times. For example, I had a poem that I wrote tonight which I began as just something kind of silly, based on a simple joke. Now, it is that, still, but it is also commenting on other things in a way. In some ways, I worry, at this moment, because I think, now that I recognize that aspect of the poem, I will need to maybe push it a bit in order to make it clearer about my perspective. Right now, because it is sort of strange and surreal, it might be easy to misread it out of context. I don't want to do that, I want to push it towards a direction where the ambiguity exists in other places of the poem, but not in terms of my own personal thoughts. Of course, I may be wrong and it might already show through, but I have to look at it again and consider the question.
But, I could not be considering that question at all, were I not to have written a piece that I did not entirely understand until it was done. As well, it is teaching me about myself, because I am discussing things I have opinions about in the real world, even if through strange and slightly silly metaphors. The poem had more to say than I did, and now I am gaining a stronger sense of it through the act of having written it.
In addition, as I mentioned, this is part of a larger process of self growth and understanding. In finding ideas for my work, I am becoming connected to parts of my imagination and to ways of thinking that are outside of the normal everyday way of functioning. This way of seeing the world is not only something that is a part of the work, but a part of the self, and so the practice, in this sense, has a larger impact on life. Writing in general does not, I don't believe, have this same quality. That is not to suggest that writers of all sorts don't grow and learn through the act of writing, but is instead about recognizing that poetry has a unique need for seeing the world in certain ways. I do think some writers may discover this outside of poetry, but it is not as essential. I say this as someone who has written fiction and sees the distinction in terms of how I consider those forms of work.
Writing fiction, I think, is a more professional endeavor, in a way. I can see the idea of "going pro" as a relevant way of describing becoming a writer of prose who works each day in the same way that I am working now as a poet, but I cannot apply that same idea to poetry, despite my doing it each day. This is partly a result of the market, where poetry is not valued, and also a result of the need for poetry to come from a different realm of thought. The idea of going "pro" in that sense is about a certain kind of consideration, and not really about the work itself. This, of course, might be purely personal, and many other poets might feel differently, and I don't want to dismiss that. I am saying, though, for me, that writing poetry, even as someone who considers myself a professional poet in a very real sense, is an act that I have to see as outside of that mind frame. Having a sense of it as a practice, for me, is a way of preserving that, and of encouraging me to be more productive. I think that inspiration is, for me, often scared by the pressure of concerns for deadlines and such. By thinking of it as a practice, the focus remains on doing, and the goal is about creating as an act, not for the product. Ironically, of course, what results is usually far superior.
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