A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Three
I wrote four new poems today and feel quite good about that. I am hoping to get back to work on that play tomorrow, and have actually been thinking about it a lot in the last several days, even though I didn't work on it directly yet. Tuesday, I think I may go down to that writing group in Miami, especially as there is not one here in Boca this week. I think it is worth taking a look at it with the group and seeing what people think of the part I have already. I will have to make the font larger, so it may be long enough, but I am interested in keeping going with it.
Anyhow, I am feeling rather good about the work I'm doing, I just want to get myself going in terms of submissions for publishing. I'm ready in so many ways, and it is a very important thing, but getting past some of the fears is difficult. My experiences with agents have been largely positive, but still not yet fruitful, and that is a bit frustrating. I am suspect to a lot of self-doubt, and even knowing that others recognize the quality of my work and believing in it strongly myself, does not erase the power of such thinking. I need to take the actions that will lead to my having a career, and not just the act of writing itself. It is going to take a change in my mental attitude to do that.
In some ways, I think the desire not to be overly egotistical or self-aggrandizing can strike in a way. Though I do think my writing in positive terms and have a great deal of faith in my ability, I also have the power to feel that my not being published is largely a matter of my not having tried, and not a matter of the work being rejected. That is something I must abandon, and in part that requires recognizing that the rejections are only a reflection of certain commercial values, and not an artistic assessment. Indeed, I think that has essentially been stated to me at various points, with agents essentially sending notes that applaud the artistic qualities but then raise questions of whether they are the right person to sell the work, even, indeed, that it does not quite inspire the right degree of passion. That is to be expected with work that is challenging.
At the same time, I believe my poetry is in a far better position at this point, and I am developing enough of a portfolio that I can get the work out to many places of different types. I can afford to give work to small and large places, and do not need to be snobby about only sending to certain kinds of places. Indeed, I think it is probably worth sending, at first, largely to places I feel comfortable with and not to those that I will likely find less open to new work from an unknown poet. I can, of course, but it is not needed, and I will get to those places with the work, because it is still coming and getting better. It has to get better as a natural result of writing this much.
I mean, I am writing several poems daily, and even if most of them will never make it past this point, the work they represent is important. It is a refining of the thought process. It takes practice to improve at anything, and practice for a writer means writing more, so even if nine out of ten poems are complete trash, that is still going to leave me with at least one a week, and the poems will all get better, even the ones that are bad will improve, and that makes it likely the percentage of good poems will also increase. So, I can afford to get work out there right now, and not to worry so much about which magazines have what circulation or won which awards. The point is to publish, and that can start small and build. I need, as I said, some confidence, and having work out in the world will help with that, I am sure.
Anyhow, I am feeling rather good about the work I'm doing, I just want to get myself going in terms of submissions for publishing. I'm ready in so many ways, and it is a very important thing, but getting past some of the fears is difficult. My experiences with agents have been largely positive, but still not yet fruitful, and that is a bit frustrating. I am suspect to a lot of self-doubt, and even knowing that others recognize the quality of my work and believing in it strongly myself, does not erase the power of such thinking. I need to take the actions that will lead to my having a career, and not just the act of writing itself. It is going to take a change in my mental attitude to do that.
In some ways, I think the desire not to be overly egotistical or self-aggrandizing can strike in a way. Though I do think my writing in positive terms and have a great deal of faith in my ability, I also have the power to feel that my not being published is largely a matter of my not having tried, and not a matter of the work being rejected. That is something I must abandon, and in part that requires recognizing that the rejections are only a reflection of certain commercial values, and not an artistic assessment. Indeed, I think that has essentially been stated to me at various points, with agents essentially sending notes that applaud the artistic qualities but then raise questions of whether they are the right person to sell the work, even, indeed, that it does not quite inspire the right degree of passion. That is to be expected with work that is challenging.
At the same time, I believe my poetry is in a far better position at this point, and I am developing enough of a portfolio that I can get the work out to many places of different types. I can afford to give work to small and large places, and do not need to be snobby about only sending to certain kinds of places. Indeed, I think it is probably worth sending, at first, largely to places I feel comfortable with and not to those that I will likely find less open to new work from an unknown poet. I can, of course, but it is not needed, and I will get to those places with the work, because it is still coming and getting better. It has to get better as a natural result of writing this much.
I mean, I am writing several poems daily, and even if most of them will never make it past this point, the work they represent is important. It is a refining of the thought process. It takes practice to improve at anything, and practice for a writer means writing more, so even if nine out of ten poems are complete trash, that is still going to leave me with at least one a week, and the poems will all get better, even the ones that are bad will improve, and that makes it likely the percentage of good poems will also increase. So, I can afford to get work out there right now, and not to worry so much about which magazines have what circulation or won which awards. The point is to publish, and that can start small and build. I need, as I said, some confidence, and having work out in the world will help with that, I am sure.
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