A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Hundred-Thirteen
Today has been a rather difficult day for me, and I did not do a lot of the work I had intended. I should have been more prepared for this, but it is sometimes natural to distract your thinking. The thing is, it would have been my father's seventieth birthday today. He died in 2016, and you can probably imagine that it is still something that feels rather fresh.
This morning, I was reminded as well that it was also the birthday of Thomas Lux, who was my adviser (or don, the term utilized at Sarah Lawrence (a reference to Oxford University and not the mafia)). He was a formative influence upon me in my youth, and played a large role in the decisions I made to pursue writing seriously. His direction led me towards graduate school and even in my selection of where to study. In many ways he served a role as a secondary father figure of sorts during my early time at school. Alas, my relationship with him was cutoff when I graduated, and I had actually made an effort to get back in touch, not knowing he was ill, and before he died, but it was too late.
As well, of course, I am thinking about my dad, whom I miss each day, and who gave me so much, not only in terms of the sacrifices he made, but also in his willingness and ability to show his love. I am extremely lucky that my father was someone who made certain to tell his family how he felt, and to make me comfortable with my own emotions in a way that I have come to see is not typical for male adolescents.
So, today I didn't really get a lot of work done on the play. My mind just did not focus on that work, and I actually wound up with all the pages out of order, not being able to get them straightened out this morning, and having a bit of a freak out over it. That was the point when I said to myself that I needed to just stop. I had intended to get back to it, but I found myself unable to really get into the right state.
That is not to say that I didn't do work today. First, I did a lot thinking about an idea I have that may be my next fiction project. The piece I started this month has a lot of interesting things in it, but I don't know where it is going yet. It might bloom into something, or may even connect to what I am thinking about, but I think it is worth following the direction that is most fruitful at the moment.
The central idea of this piece is a group of men discovering that the world is actually controlled by a little girl. That concept is something I wrote in a tweet that was a response to the opposite notion, where a girl finds that the world is controlled by a group of men. I have a lot of thoughts about the idea that have popped into my mind since then, and may even have a bit of thought about the structure of the story. I don't know how long it will be or anything, but I expect that I can begin work on it soon, once I get through redrafting the play, and feel that I have time. In the meanwhile, I might share some of the general thoughts.
First, I am thinking that I am going to steal the idea of the girl just choosing to stay a girl and willing it to be so, which is the premise in The Little Drummer Boy, but that won't be the central idea here. Also, I think that I am going to make it fairly different in other ways that will make even this element something that is not purely derivative.
The group of men will have tracked down the source of some sort of conspiracy, and will be attempting to confront those responsible, and will be in a house with a little girl. They won't, of course, recognize her as anything but a girl for most of the story, and it will be that revelation that is going to be at the heart, I think, of the telling. I have to consider it quite carefully on many levels, and will likely need to do a lot more planning for it in some regard. In part, that might also be me keeping the fires burning while still keeping my main focus on the play. I certainly need to get those revisions completed tomorrow, if not the edits to cut it back down a bit. My meeting was scheduled originally for tomorrow night, but is now on Wednesday, but I would like to get through the work tomorrow so I can at least read it through again once or twice after that.
I did do some other work today, which I think was important in several regards. That is that I wrote a poem. I've not been writing as much poetry, and I really do want to get back to that. I am taking a workshop in January, and need to have some work ready for a conference during that same time. The work for that conference is due on the fourth of January, so it would be great if I could get myself writing more poetry. I want to get to a point where I am doing that daily as well, though not in a way that will interfere with other work. I think that is possible for me, but it will take a lot of effort. It may be that working on the revision will be a good time to attempt that, and the pressure of waiting to write before January adds to that as well.
Anyhow, you may be able to tell that I am still not entirely focused, and I can't keep myself on her for much longer at this point. I really should go and sleep, but I think I may need to take a bit of time first... It is strange the way this date seems to haunt me, and I thought so before it was filled with ghosts.
This morning, I was reminded as well that it was also the birthday of Thomas Lux, who was my adviser (or don, the term utilized at Sarah Lawrence (a reference to Oxford University and not the mafia)). He was a formative influence upon me in my youth, and played a large role in the decisions I made to pursue writing seriously. His direction led me towards graduate school and even in my selection of where to study. In many ways he served a role as a secondary father figure of sorts during my early time at school. Alas, my relationship with him was cutoff when I graduated, and I had actually made an effort to get back in touch, not knowing he was ill, and before he died, but it was too late.
As well, of course, I am thinking about my dad, whom I miss each day, and who gave me so much, not only in terms of the sacrifices he made, but also in his willingness and ability to show his love. I am extremely lucky that my father was someone who made certain to tell his family how he felt, and to make me comfortable with my own emotions in a way that I have come to see is not typical for male adolescents.
So, today I didn't really get a lot of work done on the play. My mind just did not focus on that work, and I actually wound up with all the pages out of order, not being able to get them straightened out this morning, and having a bit of a freak out over it. That was the point when I said to myself that I needed to just stop. I had intended to get back to it, but I found myself unable to really get into the right state.
That is not to say that I didn't do work today. First, I did a lot thinking about an idea I have that may be my next fiction project. The piece I started this month has a lot of interesting things in it, but I don't know where it is going yet. It might bloom into something, or may even connect to what I am thinking about, but I think it is worth following the direction that is most fruitful at the moment.
The central idea of this piece is a group of men discovering that the world is actually controlled by a little girl. That concept is something I wrote in a tweet that was a response to the opposite notion, where a girl finds that the world is controlled by a group of men. I have a lot of thoughts about the idea that have popped into my mind since then, and may even have a bit of thought about the structure of the story. I don't know how long it will be or anything, but I expect that I can begin work on it soon, once I get through redrafting the play, and feel that I have time. In the meanwhile, I might share some of the general thoughts.
First, I am thinking that I am going to steal the idea of the girl just choosing to stay a girl and willing it to be so, which is the premise in The Little Drummer Boy, but that won't be the central idea here. Also, I think that I am going to make it fairly different in other ways that will make even this element something that is not purely derivative.
The group of men will have tracked down the source of some sort of conspiracy, and will be attempting to confront those responsible, and will be in a house with a little girl. They won't, of course, recognize her as anything but a girl for most of the story, and it will be that revelation that is going to be at the heart, I think, of the telling. I have to consider it quite carefully on many levels, and will likely need to do a lot more planning for it in some regard. In part, that might also be me keeping the fires burning while still keeping my main focus on the play. I certainly need to get those revisions completed tomorrow, if not the edits to cut it back down a bit. My meeting was scheduled originally for tomorrow night, but is now on Wednesday, but I would like to get through the work tomorrow so I can at least read it through again once or twice after that.
I did do some other work today, which I think was important in several regards. That is that I wrote a poem. I've not been writing as much poetry, and I really do want to get back to that. I am taking a workshop in January, and need to have some work ready for a conference during that same time. The work for that conference is due on the fourth of January, so it would be great if I could get myself writing more poetry. I want to get to a point where I am doing that daily as well, though not in a way that will interfere with other work. I think that is possible for me, but it will take a lot of effort. It may be that working on the revision will be a good time to attempt that, and the pressure of waiting to write before January adds to that as well.
Anyhow, you may be able to tell that I am still not entirely focused, and I can't keep myself on her for much longer at this point. I really should go and sleep, but I think I may need to take a bit of time first... It is strange the way this date seems to haunt me, and I thought so before it was filled with ghosts.
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