A Writer's Notebook: Day Eight
I need to relax and accept that I am adjusting. Even though I wrote more of the story today, as well as doing an entry about Wonderbook, and am now here writing this, I still feel like I am slacking. That is probably a good thing, as it means that some part of me wants to be doing more, but it is manifesting in ways that are not productive. I am feeling a bit conflicted about the story I am writing, and am not certain about it in some ways, and I know that the best thing I can do is keep working. However, the resistance I am feeling means that it takes me a long while to get to work, and the results are often somewhat meager. I have written far more on this blog than in the story itself.
In part, this is due to my only requiring that I actually continue the work, and not setting more specific criteria. I do not think that I should push past that right now, as I am aware that I am still struggling to keep myself on that path, even though I have accepted that it is necessary for me. I sometimes fight with myself about whether I do need to write, and I always come down on myself saying that I must. That is important, and I want to build on it, but I know that doing so will take more time. I need to finish this story, certainly, and I know that I am on that path, so taking a little more time with it is not the worst thing.
The story itself, though, does seem to me to need a bit of clarity in my mind, even now. That may well be a part of what I am struggling with, and I am considering what those issues are. I know that some of this is also connected to the circumstances, but considering the specifics has helped me before.
At present, I have the notion that the character is seeking a present for his sister who died as a child. This is not revealed in the story, so far, but he is looking for a birthday present for a girl. The thing is that Bimble won't help him find a present for the girl. So, Carter, the man in the story, is going to try to find a present that means something to him. Bimble suggests that the present be something that they can play with together, which will gain meaning and value from Carter's own feelings.
I am imagining that Bimble has a strange process, some of which I am already aware of, but as that unfolds, Carter finds a toy that he had as a boy, and recalls how his sister would steal it from him. Specifically, I am imagining that the day she died, it was missing and he was mad about that, before he learns what happened. Finding the toy and leaving it for his sister becomes a symbolic act on a different level.
I feel pretty good about much of that in terms of the general structure, but I also know that their are other things going on as well. Carter is haunted, and this is intended to help him with this. I think, on some level, he must be seeking this toy that he does not consciously remember, and that is why he is looking for a gift. He is doing it to forgive her, but it is about him forgiving himself. He is not haunted because she won't leave him alone, but because he has not let go. As such, it is not clear or important if the ghost is literal and real. Still, inserting this into the story in the right way is not easy, and I think it may not currently be right.
As well, I am attempting to balance the exposition carefully, so that the experience of the story unfolds in a certain way, but their may be too much that needs to be presented for the ending to work right. I think that I may find I am able to do a lot more than I anticipate, but I can't really explain that sense other than a general positivity concerning that part of the story.
I think that just realizing the things that concern me by listing them out here is fairly helpful. In the past week, I have done that several times and found that it was a good way to set my intention to solve those problems. I am wondering how certain things will be revealed in a way that can still be indirect, but will make it obvious for the reader.
In part. some of that issue is connected to foreshadowing, so that by the time the reader gets the real answer to a certain question, they feel like they already knew it. This works well, but has to be done sparingly, and in conjunction with other elements that create something unique. The goal is to have the reader realize that they are already aware of something, even though it has not been spoken about yet. The exposition should be embedded within the story on a very subtle level, so that when the reader gets to the end, they understand it, but cannot exactly point out where a specific piece of information was revealed.
It may be that I can't do that in this story, and I will need to be more explicit. That isn't a question that is easy to answer at the moment. I have a sense that I should trust my instincts, and I am glad to be able to remember that, even if I don't get a great result on the first draft, I can keep working. It may well be that I don't actually follow through with some of these ideas, and as I revise I change those tactics, and recognizing that might remove enough pressure that I actually can go for it and I do end up where I am hoping to get to. The story is still in flux, and I am hopeful that thinking about it here will help to push my thinking forwards, as it has served to do so many times already.
In part, this is due to my only requiring that I actually continue the work, and not setting more specific criteria. I do not think that I should push past that right now, as I am aware that I am still struggling to keep myself on that path, even though I have accepted that it is necessary for me. I sometimes fight with myself about whether I do need to write, and I always come down on myself saying that I must. That is important, and I want to build on it, but I know that doing so will take more time. I need to finish this story, certainly, and I know that I am on that path, so taking a little more time with it is not the worst thing.
The story itself, though, does seem to me to need a bit of clarity in my mind, even now. That may well be a part of what I am struggling with, and I am considering what those issues are. I know that some of this is also connected to the circumstances, but considering the specifics has helped me before.
At present, I have the notion that the character is seeking a present for his sister who died as a child. This is not revealed in the story, so far, but he is looking for a birthday present for a girl. The thing is that Bimble won't help him find a present for the girl. So, Carter, the man in the story, is going to try to find a present that means something to him. Bimble suggests that the present be something that they can play with together, which will gain meaning and value from Carter's own feelings.
I am imagining that Bimble has a strange process, some of which I am already aware of, but as that unfolds, Carter finds a toy that he had as a boy, and recalls how his sister would steal it from him. Specifically, I am imagining that the day she died, it was missing and he was mad about that, before he learns what happened. Finding the toy and leaving it for his sister becomes a symbolic act on a different level.
I feel pretty good about much of that in terms of the general structure, but I also know that their are other things going on as well. Carter is haunted, and this is intended to help him with this. I think, on some level, he must be seeking this toy that he does not consciously remember, and that is why he is looking for a gift. He is doing it to forgive her, but it is about him forgiving himself. He is not haunted because she won't leave him alone, but because he has not let go. As such, it is not clear or important if the ghost is literal and real. Still, inserting this into the story in the right way is not easy, and I think it may not currently be right.
As well, I am attempting to balance the exposition carefully, so that the experience of the story unfolds in a certain way, but their may be too much that needs to be presented for the ending to work right. I think that I may find I am able to do a lot more than I anticipate, but I can't really explain that sense other than a general positivity concerning that part of the story.
I think that just realizing the things that concern me by listing them out here is fairly helpful. In the past week, I have done that several times and found that it was a good way to set my intention to solve those problems. I am wondering how certain things will be revealed in a way that can still be indirect, but will make it obvious for the reader.
In part. some of that issue is connected to foreshadowing, so that by the time the reader gets the real answer to a certain question, they feel like they already knew it. This works well, but has to be done sparingly, and in conjunction with other elements that create something unique. The goal is to have the reader realize that they are already aware of something, even though it has not been spoken about yet. The exposition should be embedded within the story on a very subtle level, so that when the reader gets to the end, they understand it, but cannot exactly point out where a specific piece of information was revealed.
It may be that I can't do that in this story, and I will need to be more explicit. That isn't a question that is easy to answer at the moment. I have a sense that I should trust my instincts, and I am glad to be able to remember that, even if I don't get a great result on the first draft, I can keep working. It may well be that I don't actually follow through with some of these ideas, and as I revise I change those tactics, and recognizing that might remove enough pressure that I actually can go for it and I do end up where I am hoping to get to. The story is still in flux, and I am hopeful that thinking about it here will help to push my thinking forwards, as it has served to do so many times already.
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