Would That I Might

I am wondering what I must do to get beyond my current situation, as I have said before, but it feels to be a rather different question now.  In large part, it is driven by a recognition that things in this nation and around the world are in a precarious and unpredictable condition, and trusting the possibility of things that might happen in the future seems foolish.  As well, I am also aware that, for me, the thing I am capable of doing, the form of resistance that I am best suited for, is through my writing, and their is an urgency to that right at this moment.  I feel a pressure building and am terrified of what is to come, but I think what scares me more is the sense that I am not able to at least use the skills I have spent my life building to stand up when it seems to matter most.  I don't know how to take the necessary steps, but I cannot wait around for things to grow darker without doing something, and the only path I know for myself that would feel like I w...

There Is A Chance Left but is it much  or just a bit, and maybe it is no chance, is just an illusion that it can be done, like a secret bend in that basket  so the ball will always bounce off at the carnival, but it is not at all a carnival, is nothing to bring prizes, there is no grand victory, nothing great is guaranteed even in victory, is still just more chances, is nothing more than the possibility that a few things can go a bit better than before, but it is still much more, is not because of may be won but because their is so much to be lost.

 I am finding that I am really needing to do a lot of writing at the moment to satisfy myself.  It may well be that I was in a down period and now am restored and finding my long period of pressing to do more and more has altered my creative output in a deeper way.  I am not writing at the same frenzied peak, but I think I have written close to ten poems today, and I also worked on my fiction.  What is more, I am finding that the work seems to be growing and improving.  I am able to consider very specific aspects in ways that would not have occurred to me at one point, and am discovering new ideas and directions all the time. One aspect of this is in terms of my understanding of creating a collection, or, as I am considering it in my current mode, creating a larger composite work that integrates those pieces.  The goal, I am finding, is not only to place the work together, but to use the connections within it to elevate the pieces individually while creatin...

Did You Watch? All the discussion is of what happened, is the question of what was seen and who saw it, not the facts, but the interpretations, who saw which version of the world, watched it with what eyes,  but most would agree it was not worth seeing, it could have been said already what would be seen, no matter the watcher or what they brought, that was agreed, it was easy to see it did not do anything that was necessary for anyone at all, just as expected, just as everyone expected.

In some ways, I am becoming more resistant to the individual rejections I am receiving.  If I get a single rejection, I often will just let it sit without much thought beyond the general, continuing, desire for a clear path forward, but not as anything that is particularly upsetting in any acute way.  Even, I find, a few rejections won't always do a great deal to throw me into a negative loop.  I am still feeling rather driven to get to a point where I am able to get work accepted regularly, and I am not denying that it colors my mood a great deal, but I recognize, as well, that it is often much more cumulative, and may take more for me to really feel that overwhelm.  At the same time, I do not deny, either, that I have the same general negativity that derives from the value I place on getting work published, and that is not anything that has changed, or which I know how to change.  I know I am not going to be able to change this overall without succeeding in my...

Not Any Longer It is so clear, now it is, but it all seemed possible, reasonable, good even, all of those ideas we spent time pursuing, the hopeful ones that did not relate at all to the world as we can see it is, but we chased them, wanted to find magic, to find something good to make life better, because we did not see the luxury we had, what we were squandering living in a place where we were able to do that, to seek those terrible, stupid things, to waste time that way and not even notice we were doing a thing that was unreasonable, was based on not seeing the real opportunities, that was given to us just so were distracted enough to waste them.

 I am definitely feeling an upswing in my productivity at the moment.  I am writing six or so poems a day, though I am still not keeping a count of it.  I feel that I could be doing more, to be honest, but things are busy, and they will get even busier soon, so I don't feel the desire to press myself that much and then decide I am going too far and need to pull back again when things get crazy and I have no time.  I think I will allow myself to consider writing even more an indulgence, of a sort, which is a new perspective, and perhaps more positive, but I am not, considering it from all angles, certain how much I really can believe that, at some level.  I do believe it is an indulgence and privilege to be able to devote the time to it, in a practical sense, of course, but I mean it here in another, less literal way, as a pleasure, and their is something that seems a bit dangerous to me in considering my approach to writing from that vantage.  That is not t...